Reactions to "Alice in Genderland"

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Bibrary.com Interview with Alice Novic

Welcome to our latest Spring Celebration interview, the first part of an in-depth chat with the amazing Alice Novic, author of the classic transgender memoir Alice in Genderland: A Crossdresser Comes of Age.

Alice has graciously agreed to stop by and take part in a very detailed interview, and will be returning next month to continue our conversation. Before we get into that, though, let's take a look at Alice in Genderland.

Alice in Genderland tells the story of Dr. Richard Novic, Harvard-educated psychiatrist and crossdresser. No memoir like it has ever been published. Most of the time, he is a man at the office or a husband and father at home. But one evening a week, she is a woman about town, shopping, dining, dancing, and dating a man for over six years. And it’s all out in the open. Although he now leads a richly expressive life, Dr. Novic suffered since childhood with a secret, a desire he was in no way equipped to handle, but one that eventually burst through his denial, a few months before his wedding day. Just once, he felt, while he still could, he had to know how it felt like to be a woman. Like Alice in Wonderland, his curiosity led him to fall headlong down a rabbit hole, through desperate straits, mind-opening surprises, heart-rending changes, and boundless love. By the time he was back on his feet, he was a different person, living a lifestyle he hadn't known existed. Anyone who has struggled to figure out who they are and how they want to live will see themselves in this powerful life story.

♥ Thanks again for stopping by, Alice - I'm so excited you were able to fit us into your schedule. For starters, especially for those who may be new to you and your writing, please tell us a little about yourself.

I’m a happily married Harvard educated psychiatrist with two pre-teen kids and a long-term male lover. Oh, and I’m a crossdresser, one who spent five years glued to a keyboard making sure the world had at least one serious crossdressing memoir.

♥ If that's not an introduction that's guaranteed to keep people reading, I'm not sure what is! Can you tell us what was it that first prompted you to write Alice in Genderland: A Crossdresser Comes of Age?

By 2000, the popularity of my advice column in Girl Talk magazine had proven that folks in our community were interested in the positive, clear, but not always politically correct, ways I’d found to look at things. At first I intended to expand these ideas into a book along the lines of Lacey Leigh’s Seven Secrets of Successful Crossdressers.

But then two things happened. First, my wife, Melissa, thought it would be much more interesting for people to read about how real experience had led me to certain conclusions, rather than simply provide them with the accumulated wisdom of a young smart-aleck psychiatrist.

Second, as I considered writing more of a memoir than a treatise, I discovered that, but for one small exception, no one had ever published the life story of a crossdresser. I welcomed the chance to give us a voice and share my experience and training with peers who might never see me in the office. That was my mission.

♥ Although six years doesn’t really seem like that long ago, your book was a novelty at the time, a brave foot forward for the transgender community. What was the initial reaction to it from friends and family?

Most of my non-trans friends work around the music and motion picture industries here in L. A. They loved the idea and encouraged me to embark on the project. In fact, their eagerness to learn more about me and my transgendered life led me to overestimate how much mainstream interest there might be.

I was utterly bewildered, when the first literary agent I spoke to asked, “What’s the hook?” What she meant, I ultimately realized, was “Why should a mainstreamer bother to read this?” I didn’t understand that the hook for my friends - and family for that matter - was that they already knew me to some extent hence were eager to soak up all the juicy details. The kind of hooks most agents suggested, though, would have turned my book from “Queer as Folk” into “Will and Grace.” I just wasn’t willing to do that.

People in Melissa’s family were as supportive as my friends and readily saw the value in what I was doing. Lis and I, though, asked most of them, in the end, not to read the book because it might be embarrassing for her. Folks in my family, on the other hand, knew what kind of mission I was on but didn’t want to hear much about it. My being a crossdresser just didn’t fit in with the proud picture they had of me as a son or brother.

♥ You clearly went into this with open eyes of your own, but did publishing your book open any eyes around you or change any of your day-to-day interactions?

No, not really, I’m glad to report, but that was, after all, part of the plan. Once I realized that it was going to be difficult to garner much mainstream interest, I decided to offer my trans readers more candor and excitement and to limit the risks I would take in marketing my book to the masses. There’d be no Oprah interviews - even if she begged me - nor ads in the “American Journal of Psychiatry.” In doing so, I caused far less disruption to my professional and private life than many might imagine. Basically, I live the same life now as I was living at the end of Alice in Genderland, except that I’m more focused on my kids and not actively writing.

♥  In one of your articles, you define yourself as an “inbetweenie, neither male nor female, but truly and deeply trans.” I love the idea that it’s okay to simply be different and to find comfort in your own personal situation. How much pressure do you feel from others to commit to standard role, and how do you find such satisfaction in being an inbetweenie?

I absolutely see myself as an inbetweenie and don’t feel much pressure to skew my self-image to male or female. However, in the six days a week I spend at home or at work in male form, I refer to myself as a person but allow people to presume that I’m just a regular, non-trans man. I basically don’t get it into it, except once in a while if Melissa tries to lump me in with men in general.

In the day or so I spend out as a woman dining or dating, I’m fine with folks presuming I’m a regular woman, but that doesn’t seem to happen too much - and my powers of denial just aren’t what they used to be. So in that case, I do feel pressure but not pressure to declare myself man or woman, but to see myself as most people see me: a trans woman, a very special, awkward kind of woman, like a dwarf woman. It’s still a bit distressing, but it’s reality and part of being the kind of person I am.

On the inside, accepting myself as an inbetweenie feels natural and liberating . . . like being a bisexual. I can like whoever and whatever I like without causing me to freak out and reach for the nearest shot glass or panic pill. Yes, I’m mostly into geeky male things like science and history and am even a half-decent pistol shot. And yes, I love things like shape, movement, emotions, and, that most feminine of obsessions, relationships. My non-T friends may see me as a walking contradiction, but I feel completely free to shop down the meat aisle and vegetable aisle.

♥ That is probably one of the most honest and refreshing personal outlooks I can imagine, and I love it. You’ve talked about evolving, how your gender identity and sexual interests have changed over time. How much of that has been a challenge to deal with, and how much a joy to discover?

Yes, like many of us trans folk, I have changed dramatically over time, and that’s certainly had its challenges. Going from conventional masculine man to slightly foofy but still wholesome Tri-Ess man to awfully-close-to-TS bisexual sent shock waves through me and anyone attached to me, like the two major women in my life.

My panic over experimenting sexually crushed my ex-wife so badly I had to end things for the sake of both of us. Later, my continued revisions to my wish list seriously shook Melissa and her sense what she wanted in life until we ultimately worked it out. Don’t try this lightly at home: it requires serious communication and self-control.

Despite these challenges, being true to the freak I am inside has made my life meaningful and full of adventure. It has transported me from a dull gray world into some kind of lush, pulsing Avatar place, where I’ve known the joy of sampling an astounding array of life options before discovering who and what I care about the most. I believe non-trans people too can come of age like this but we, at least, have a bigger sign pointing the way.

To be continued . . .

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

INTERVIEW: Alice Novic (Alice in Genderland)

For those of you who followed along with our Spring Celebration last month, you'll know that we featured the first part of a delightful interview with Alice Novic, author of the classic transgender memoir Alice in Genderland: A Crossdresser Comes of Age. In case you missed it (and, if you did, you missed a lot!), you can catch-up here.

If you haven't had the pleasure of reading it, Alice released an updated edition last year, buffing up the text, and adding a few scenes. She was gracious enough to send me an up-to-date copy to replace my own, so I'll be sharing my thoughts on it later this month. In the meantime, let's get on to the reason we're all gathered here today . . . the lovely, charming, and beautiful Alice (in Genderland):

♥ What can you say about the feedback you’ve received about Alice in Genderland?

Well, the good news is that Alice in Genderland has become a well-known title in the trans community, with about half of us reading it and loving it, a quarter of us loathing it, and a quarter of us vaguely aware of it. Having feared at release that the fruit of my labors might vanish quickly into obscurity, I’m very pleased with the how it has caught on.

The most striking thing I’ve discovered about a person’s response to my book is that it’s largely determined by who he or she is in the trans community. Maybe because there are so few books about crossdressing, people gravitate to each new one hoping it will provide them with exactly what they need.

Many crossdressing peers were thrilled with my story as a way to live out their dreams or their druthers. Many appreciated how I could help them feel okay about the ways in which their lives too might get a little messy. Early/questioning TSs appreciated the steps I’d laid out for them and the ways I tested the limits of what a crossdressing lifestyle might offer.

I was writing for people like this, and it worked. I heard things like: “Oh my god, that’s exactly what happened to me!” and “Books bore me, but I read yours in two days.” As crossdressers we never see characters we can fully relate to in books or movies, and finally here we had a transvestite in full, laid bare for all to revel in—or spit at.

A number of others in the greater trans community got curious about my story and found it at cross purposes to their agenda—or just got pissed off, if they didn’t know they had an agenda. For example, a transsexual in the throes of transition looking to distance herself from crossdressers and anything sexual might, and in fact many did, hate this book. A number of anxious wives wanting reassurance that the clothes are the only thing that can get complicated with a crossdresser were terrified and harshly critical.

Fervent college-kid feminists wanting me to help them challenge traditional gender roles were bitterly disappointed. Though I believe in equal rights for women, I’m not actively trying to undermine the “patriarchy,” and I suffered personally from a lot of early feminist propaganda.

Other more pleasant trends I’ve noticed are bi people who want to see how another bi has made it work and hippies curious about someone else’s alternative lifestyle. Because of such patterned responses, though, I truly appreciate everyone who has thought through my story rather than just reacted to the buttons it pressed.

♥ I think the fact that there's so much in it to elicit such a wide range of reactions is precisely what has excited me - it’s so refreshing to come across a transgender story that doesn’t shy away from the sexual side of our lives. I know you already touched on it, but how have people handled that aspect specifically?

Well, I sure paid for it, but I felt strongly that my narrative not trail off behind the bedroom door. I didn’t care if it wasn’t very demure; I wasn’t trying to sound like a genetic woman. I didn’t want to be like prior memoirists who presented themselves as long-suffering saints who never masturbated and blushed to admit they’d ever had any kind of sex. Whether CD or TS, it seemed there were two different kinds of people: those with jobs and families and those who engaged in erotica. I felt like a degenerate version of the former for years until I realized the hypocrisy. I didn’t want others to go through it.

The grief I got came in many forms, and it showed me why no major trans writer had bared their backside before. One acquaintance asked innocently enough, “Why did you have to put so much sex in your story? Is that what it’s about for you?” Someone else emailed to say, “It cheapens everything. I’d have thought you knew better.” And one hapless soul let me know, “My wife bought your book, and I’ve had to spend the last few days reassuring her I’m nothing like you.”

This all hurt and cut in two directions. Professionally it made me wonder if I had just screwed up the project I’d invested my most productive years into. And personally, it put me face to face with people who could be highly critical of how I saw myself and had chosen to live my life.

Yet, thankfully, there were others, like the t-gal at Southern Comfort who trumpeted, “Has anyone ever called you the Great Negotiator? I can’t even imagine asking my wife for the allowances you’ve got. She’d just plain shoot me.” In the TGSF newsletter, Becky Benton declared, “Books like Alice in Genderland are why we protect freedom of speech in this country.” And, perhaps more meaningful still, were the great many folks who contacted me to say, “It was like reading my own story. Thank you for making me feel better about who I am.”

Am I too sexual? Did I put too much of it in my memoir? Read my book for yourself and decide.

♥ I'm not sure you can put too much of yourself into a memoir, but I completely get what you're saying. With such a diverse audience, and so many different reactions, I have to ask - what has been the most memorable reaction to your work from a non-trans reader?

At about the time I was coming to grips with all the intense, personal reactions people were having to my book, a retired psychologist in her 70s wrote to tell me how much she enjoyed the way I welcomed people into my life and walked them through it step by step. It was just what I needed. “Thank you,” I replied, “Thank you,” and happily explained some of the hard work involved, like how my editor had sent me back to the drawing board for a year with, “Great story. Now pick the key parts of it and bring them to life for us, line by line, moment by moment.”

♥ That definitely has to bring a smile to your face. To look at an audience with a more intimate stake in the read, what has been the most memorable reaction from a trans reader?

Tragically, the most memorable reaction was when my now deceased friend Christine Daniels approached me at the Abbey here in L. A. to announce, “Alice Novic, you broke up my marriage,” before telling me how her wife and fellow sportswriter had found my book in her night table and confronted her with “Is this what you want?”

“Yes,” Christine - or Mike at that time - replied, “but really oh so much more,” before explaining how desperately she needed to transition and setting off a very sad spiral of events.

Though nothing sticks with me the way that that does, two other people touched me in curious ways. An otherwise helpful transsexual woman at IFGE 2006 insisted, “Don’t think your story is over. I’m pretty sure you’ll be joining us in a few years.” And a fellow doctor offered, “Whatever happens, you’ll always have a job with me if you need one.” Even though it would mean moving to Alabama, I’ve never forgotten the security she offered me—especially if I might be joining “them” in a few years.

♥ One of the aspects of Alice in Genderland that I find particularly interesting is the exploration of your relationship with your wife. Do you ever get feedback or questions directed at her?

Many readers admire her and have asked me pass their regards on to her—which, of course, I have. Others, alas, have seen her as some kind of pushover or enabler. I believe that when push comes to shove, though, many of these people are either envious of our open marriage or extremely worried that they may be asked for the same. Melissa has been surprisingly flexible about many things over the years but, believe me, plenty forceful in pursuit of what matters most to her.

“If she’s not into your crossdressing, then why does she stay with you?” I heard often from people who only knew me from my book. Yikes, I thought, that’s too big thing to leave in doubt, so I added three scenes to show what’s in it for her, like the way I work hard, stick to my word, help her find the right mix of career and motherhood, and play an active role in our kids’ lives.

♥ She sounds like an amazing woman, and it sounds like you've found a way to make your relationship work. That kind of commitment, and that strong a partnership, is definitely inspiring. Thinking back a bit, is there a particular author who influenced or inspired you, either as a writer or as a member of the transgender community?

For starters, Ayn Rand, and especially Atlas Shrugged, has confirmed and enriched much of my thinking. I especially appreciate the way she sticks her neck out to defend the kind of innovator I strive to be.

Additionally, while reading trans memoirs in preparation for my book, I was especially impressed by Renee Richards and her book Second Serve. Her story was far the most forthcoming and her bravery made me feel bashful in comparison. I’m a similar person from a similar background, but I could not have done what she did.

And finally, when challenged to turn life events into full scenes, I found my way to Anne Tyler, for she seemed best at finding the dramatic in the domestic. Books like The Accidental Tourist and Breathing Lessons taught me how to write dialogue.

♥ I haven't read either of Renee's memoirs yet, but they're both on my watch-list. If we can get back to Alice in Genderland one last time, is there a particular quote or passage that you are especially fond of? Something that just seems to sum up either your experience or your message for others?

Yes, there is one quote, I believe, that sums up my youth and, I trust, offers inspiration to anyone who has to deal with an unwanted difference:

“How could a traditional man, like me, face the fact he wanted nothing more than to indulge in the pleasures of womanhood? All the pleasures of womanhood. What a humiliating fate. It tore me up like nothing before and nothing since. I’ve had to grow in astonishing ways to turn this indelible curse into an invaluable blessing, to go from my worst nightmare to my wildest dreams. Although my lifestyle is no doubt controversial, I feel good about who I am and how I live.” 

♥ Perfect choice - that passage literally lept off the page at me. Now, I always like to ask people about their hobbies and passions outside the literary realm, but I’m curious as to whether they are different for Alice than Richard, or whether the same activities bring you satisfaction regardless?

For a number of years, I’ve passionately coached my kids’ teams in soccer and baseball and didn’t have any choice but to show up in conventional male form. Now that I can no longer keep pace with them, I’m treating myself to private handgun, poker, and dancing lessons. I’m having a ball, and whether I show up as cowboy or saloon girl doesn’t really matter to me or my instructors. Seriously, I’ll arrive either way—though it’s really more a matter of a wig and a different kind of jeans than anything else.

♥ Hmm, a cross-dressing cowboy who moonlights as a saloon girl - you just may have the beginning of your first novel there! Finally, before I let you go, have you said everything you felt needed to be said with Alice in Genderland, or do you think there might be another book in you?

No, between telling my story in Alice in Genderland and sharing the rest of what I’ve learned in articles like Seven Great Myths Among Us MTFs (on aliceingenderland.com), I no longer feel like I’m on a mission, no longer bursting at the seams with things to say. It’s a good feeling. I’m going to enjoy it for a while.
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Once again, a huge "thank you" to Alice Novic for stopping by. You can check her out on the web at http://www.aliceingenderland.com/.