Through the Looking Glass
"Shall I Bring My Wife Along?"
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| Dear Alice, Some people bring their wives along with them when they crossdress; some don’t. What’s the best way to go? Daisy Dear Daisy, That really depends on who your wife is and what you’re planning to do when crossdressed. Most wives, like mine, don’t enjoy seeing the man in their life in a dress. Now that doesn’t mean everybody, though, and I do know a few rare women who actually get psyched about it. But even then, their interest may be just be a phase, may reflect a deeper eagerness to please, and probably falls far short of your desire to get fully costumed and in character. So, when it comes to having the special woman in your life join you in your hobby, realize that you are asking for her tolerance of and participation in something that is not such a joy for her. That’s okay. You probably attend countless occasions for her, make holiday after holiday “special,” and get roped into numerous school events that are much more for mommies with time on their hands than burned-out breadwinners like yourself. It’s okay for two people in a relationship to ask things of each other, to do things out of love for each other. It’s equally okay to ask your partner not to participate, but to tolerate something important to you, whether it’s touch football or women’s book club. Now, my dear Daisy, when it comes to dressing, what might you like to do? 1) Want to dress up at home with your wife? 2) Want to go out to a support group, like Tri-Ess, or Tiffany? 3) Hope to go to the mall? 4) Want to go out dancing? When it comes to dressing up at home with your wife, I say why not. It’s a lot more fun than painting and primping on your own—and a lot more instructive. Just make sure your honey realizes that you would only want to do this once in a while, and that otherwise, you’ll continue to be your manly, appealing self around her. If your wife says no at this point, it’s too bad. But don’t panic. In the end, all you really need from her is some space and some tolerance. If the love of your life prefers to lunch with a girlfriend, while you’re doing your thing, so be it. If she’s cool with it, though, then you’re one of the lucky ones. You won’t have to somehow snap your own pictures, and you’ll get the chance to learn from the woman you admire the most. How ‘bout going to Tri-Ess or something? Terrific, I say. You and your sweetie can get dressed up and go out without having to expose yourselves to the general public. And everyone you meet there will be in the same boat and highly supportive. In fact, the whole Tri-Ess ideology is based on making crossdressing more palatable to wives. “No, we’re not gay, no not the tiniest bit. No, not transsexual, either. They’re like a whole different species--even the ones who used to count themselves among us.” Although I’d never oversimplify things like that, such a message has its place and can be tremendously reassuring as you—and especially your wife—start to explore the more complicated facets of life. What about shopping and dinner at mall? Great, but it best not be your local mall. Although a wig and make-up can be a great disguise, do you really want risk outing yourself to all the other neighborhood parents. Even going to a shopping delight across town, I think, can be a lot more relaxing if your wife dons a wig too. Then, instead of being the queen and the chump, you can be Thelma and Louise, daring and dashing partners in crime. Just don’t get carried away. Stay attentive to your wife’s wishes, and when she wants to call it a day, head home. If you don’t ease her into it, you may not get a second chance. How about a nightclub? If your wife is like mine, then she’s quite the disco dancer. What could be more joyful than going out and kicking your heels up together? There is a t-friendly gay club in nearly every town, and even a tranny club or two in some larger cities. These can be wonderfully fun places for you and your darling to go out and celebrate the rainbow of diversity. But be careful, or you’ll suffer a fate I once befell. Shine too brightly, and you might be offered a compliment and a cocktail, which your wife won’t appreciate very much. So take it easy out there with the eye contact, my friends, if you want to keep clubbing together. But then again, crossdressing, like touch football, isn’t a thing easily shared with the lady in your life. So don’t push it. Anything you get here is a bonus. What you need most is a little space from your wife--and support from your sisters. With that, the sky is the limit! Alice Novic, M.D.  |